Rooftop meetings
by BSmusicprincess
Summary: one-shot. failed suicide and attempted suicide in this fic. this is a way that spencer could of joind the FBI. be nice! its my fist oneshot "Did you really want to die?""No one commits suicide because they want to die.""Then why do they do it?""Because they want to stop the pain." ― Tiffanie DeBartolo


Hi guys. I am sorry to inform you that lately I have been the victim of writers block, which I believe could be the recent pressure of school exams, but could be unrelated. Do not fear my friends, for I will never ever ever forget or abandon my other story! My current story 'The return of Tobias Hankel' is still continuing but I just needed to get some of the ideas that are buzzing in my head out so I can focus on that one better. I am trying to keep the characters as in character as possible. I was listening to 'Running up That Hill' by Placebo while writing this, and I think the song fits well, so I suggest listening to it while reading.

I did have to rewrite this story due to open office being a bastard and destruct all my work! So please take that into consideration.

Warning you all, there will be talk of failed suicide and attempted suicide in this fic. Please review and favorite. Let me know if this sucks and I should give up on short stories.

Disclaimer- I obviously don't own it, so piss off!

As always I Love you all!

Bsmusicprincess

PS

this has now been edited by great chrissygleek and is a lot more readable then it was before!

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"Did you really want to die?"  
"No one commits suicide because they want to die."  
"Then why do they do it?"  
"Because they want to stop the pain."  
―

Tiffanie DeBartolo

Rooftop meetings.

An 18 year old boy looked down at the distant ground below. He clutched a bottle tightly in his slander hands; the wind blowing strands of his brunet hair around him. Wet tear tracks stained his porcelain cheeks. His face was an emotionless mask, but his eyes and the dark bruise like shadows under them told a different story. Those chocolate-brown orbs told as story of pain, suffering and guilt; unimaginable guilt which was driving him as he stood precariously close to the ledge on an Las Vegas library roof, contemplating ending his own life.

It was slightly ironic really. He would run here when his mother was having one of her episodes or when he needed to hide from the constant bulling of his 'classmates'. This library was his way of escaping the pain. Yes, he could never forget the hurtful words and physical pain due to his 'gifted' (or in his opinion, cursed) mind but he could escape it by distracting his psyche by filling it with knowledge, statistics and literature. It made the pain subside a little and the hurt lessen.

However, Spencer did not choose this place for the irony, or because of the impact it had on his life, but because it was the only building that could deliver the impact for his death.

There were many buildings in Vegas that were tall enough to do what he needed, most of which were casinos but it would be a lot harder due to security and the fact that those places are always busy, the chance of the police stopping him before he can act are high.

The library, however, was a different story. There was no security. There was no suspicion in coming up here. He used to read on this roof as a kid. That way he could enjoy the solitude and the gentle breeze on his pale skin without fear of ruining into the school football team. The building was high enough to do the job thus being the best choose.

Spencer took a swig from the now half empty bottle of vodka he held, grimacing as the bitter taste burned down his though. Spencer never really liked alcohol. The damage it could do to a human body was immense, but considering that his body was going to be a bloody mess on the side of the road soon, it didn't really matter.

Spencer was angry with himself for taking the easy way out. He was a coward! He deserved all the guilt and pain. She gave him love and what did he do? He sent her away, that's what!

Angry mixed with the alcohol took over, and he threw the bottle off the roof. It wasn't the bottles fault, but Spencer needed to let some emotion go and the bottle was the closest thing.

As Spencer watched it fall and shatter in to pieces he knew it was time to follow. He took a deep breath and stepped on to the ledge.

The wind whipped around him, blowing his long hair around his face. He felt new tears fall from his eyes and drip down his long lashes as he thought back to what brought him here.

It was his fault. He betrayed her, his own mother! She gave him life, cared for him to the best of her capability, and in return he sent her away. Even though she asked...no begged him not to send her away, not to take her away for her home, he still did. He tried to tell himself that he did it for her own good. That it was the chance to get her real help, but deep down he knew the truth; he just couldn't do it anymore. He was tired of taking care of her and sent her away for his own benefit. For his own selfishness! He failed her as a son! Maybe that's why dad left? Because he knew he would grow up to be a failure.

Her words echoed in his mind cutting him deeper than any knife. _'YOUR NOT MY SON. MY SON WOULD NEVER DO THIS TO ME!_' The doctors told him it was just the episode talking, but Spence knew the truth. She deserved better than him. He was weak. He was a coward! This guilt was his punishment, his chain to bear, but he couldn't do it anymore. He was taking the easy way out again, but it was too much! He couldn't take it.

The cool but gentle wind ruffled though his hair and caressed his face. It felt soothing, almost as if it was encouraging him to take that final step toward the end. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply though his nose for _hopefully_ the last time and stepped onto the ledge.

For the first time in a long time, he felt a smile form on the corners of his lips. He stepped closer so that his toes were hanging over the edge.

"This is it!" He mumbled to the air, breaking the silence. He leaned forward slightly as adrenalin rushed through his veins. This is it!

"Don't do it kid!" A deep voice from behind called out, causing Reid's eyes shaped open, but he didn't turn.

"Don't come any closer." He warned, his voice dead and emotionless, but had an edge of solemnity that showed he meant what he said.

The footsteps continued, "I mean it!" He called, angered now. The footsteps stopped.

"Alright kid, easy now!'. His voice was even but you could hear the anxiety and concern in it.

"How did you know I was up here?' Spencer snapped, irritation leaking into his voice.

"I saw a glass bottle fall to the floor and almost hit me. Then there was a figure on the roof and put two and two together and ran up here." He man said as he crept a bit closer.

"Come on kid, don't do this!" He called, voice pleading.

"Stop calling me kid!" Spencer snapped back, angry that not even this was going as planned, but it would end as he planned! He promised himself that!

"OK then I'm Jason Gideon. What's your name?" The man said carefully as he crept closer, trying to go unnoticed and keep the kid talking.

Spencer wondered briefly way this man _'Jason Gideon' _would care about his name. But then thought that he didn't care, and if would stop him from using that annoying nickname, _kid, _he would answer him.

"My name's Spencer...Spencer Reid." He added his last name since Jason told him his, and he needed some name to be carved on his tombstone right?

"Spencer, you're too young to be throwing your life away like this." Gideon stated, taking another step closer.

"That doesn't matter! There are nearly 30,000 suicide related deaths every year in America, and it is the third leading cause of death for those aged 15 to 24 years old." Spencer rambled quickly, eyes not leaving the drop below.

"Where did you learn all that?" Gideon asked, momentary stunned at the onslaught of unexpected information from Spencer.

"I read a lot." Spencer muttered quietly, eyes never leaving the drop below.

"And you memorized it word for word?" Gideon asked curiously, taking another step forward.

"I have an IQ of 187 and an eidetic memory." Spencer said, more out of habit than towards Gideon.

"And you're planning to just waste it all on the side of the pavement?" Gideon asked, not expecting an answer but hoping to make the kid see reason.

Gideon was shocked as Spencer let out a low and bitter chuckle that was mixed with a sob. It sounded so wrong coming from the young genius.

"It's the best place for it." He answered darkly, voice cracking in places as more tears fell down his cheeks.

"That's not true! Think of all the good things you can do with-

"NOTHING GOOD WILL EVER COME FROM THIS!" Reid yelled, interrupting Gideon. He pointed to his temple. "It only courses pain," he mumbled the last part.

There was a strange silence in the air that both were scared to break: Gideon, because he didn't want to say the wrong thing and send the kid over the edge _literally_, and Reid was fighting the wave of memories and emotion he felt.

2 minutes later Reid spoke. "This isn't the first time you know." He mumbled, so quietly that Gideon almost missed it.

Reid didn't know why he felt the need to break the silence and why he didn't just ignore the stranger and jump, but part of him felt the need to tell him. To explain the pain he felt before he ended it all.

Gideon stayed silent as Spencer spoke, hanging on every word looking for any signs of hesitation.

"Suicide, I mean. I've tried it before." He clarified after a few more seconds ticked by.

"What happened?" Gideon asked softly, trying to get him to evaluate more and keep him talking.

Spencer decided he might as well tell Gideon when he realized he was a failure.

"When I was 15, I was under a lot of stress. My mother is a paranoid schizophrenic, and trying not to let people find out that she was sick was difficult. But Child Protective Services would have gotten involved if people knew, so I didn't have much of a choice." Spencer felt tears burn behind his eyes as he thought of his mother who he had failed.

Gideon was shocked but stayed silent and waited for him to continue.

Spencer swallowed the lump in his throat and continued. "Because she was sick and couldn't work, I had to get by on little to no money. I tried to get jobs but I was too young so no one would employ me."

"Couldn't your dad have helped?" Gideon found himself asking before he could stop himself.

Spencer tone got cold and angry. "No, I don't think he would of given a damn anyway. Dad abandoned us when I was 10. I haven't heard a word from him since.'

'Look how weak you are! Can you blame him for being ashamed?'

A voice in the back of Spencer's head screamed.

'What kind of man would leave his kid and sick wife when they needed him?!

' Gideon thought furiously at whoever this man was.

"The pressure I felt to be as brilliant as I was expected to be and the constant bullying from my _'classmates_', it became too much."

Gideon could tell the kid must have had it rough from his peers. He looked completely weak and fragile, plus the fact that he was a genius must of made his school life hell. Gideon felt an odd sort of protectiveness towards the kid.

"What did you do?" He asked softly.

"I downed 3 bottles of Tylenol and washed it down with a full bottle of whiskey." Spencer's voice was more quiet than before, but there was a hint of anger in it.

"You're still here, so what happened?' Gideon asked, curious and concerned.

"What do you think happened!?" Spencer snapped angrily, "I passed out and woke up lying next to a pile of my own vomit! I was stupid to think that it would work, but not this time! I've failed at everything else in my life, I won't fail at this.'

"You didn't fail. You're strong! Not many people could live through what you have." Gideon yelled, trying to get through to the young genius.

Spencer acted as if he didn't hear him and closed his eyes.

"THINK ABOUT YOUR MOTHER! SHE NEEDS YOU!" He screamed, trying not to panic and to make him reconsider.

Spencer felt more tears fall before murmuring a response to Gideon. "I am. She deserves a better son them me."

and with that he leaned forward and pushed his feet off the ledge.

Gideon words echoed in his mind. '_You didn't fail. You're strong!'_ Oh, how he would have loved to believe them! But how could he be strong? Look what he was doing.

Reid was suddenly ripped out of his thoughts as he felt two strong arms wrap around him and pull him up. His eyes snapped open, and he wasn't falling to his death like he had planned but was being pulled up by Gideon.

Stupid! He must have gotten closer while I was talking and I didn't notice! I can't even manage to kill myself right.

He scolded himself as Gideon pulled him away from the side of the building and deposited him safely in the middle of the roof.

Reid got to his feet and stormed towards the stairs to exit the roof. He would need to get a better plain next time.

"Spencer, wait!" Gideon called after him.

Spencer growled, but turned to face him. "What?" He snapped.

"Reid, you don't have to do this! Your mind is not cursed! You did all you could for your mother. Even if she deserves better then you, you're all she has."

Gideon tone softened as he spoke about Spencer mother. He was a profiler, and he could tell that she was the reason that he tried to kill himself again after 3 years. Spencer's eyes filled with tears as Gideon spoke about his mother.

"I work for the FBI in the Behavioral Analysis Unit, and I think that a mind like yours is exactly what we need right now." He smiled reassuringly at the young man.

"What, you need an 18 year old suicidal and socially awkward walking Wikipedia blog in the FBI? Somehow, I don't think so." Spencer was about to walk away when Gideon called his name again.

"Wait Reid; I don't mean join the FBI right now. You're not old enough right now anyway, but I could help you and train you."

Gideon felt a strong urge to protect the troubled teen and had a strong feeling that if he left to his own thoughts, Spencer might end up on that roof again. He was not going to let that happen.

"You mean like a protégé?" Spencer chuckled lightly, this time lacking the bitterness and darkness as before on the ledge. It sounded...normal. Gideon was going to make sure that the bitterness never returned to it.

Gideon felt a smile play on his lips. He had never really thought of having an apprentice or a '_protégé' _as Reid called it, but he liked the idea.

"Yes, I guess so." Spencer turned to look at Jason, a look of curiosity on his face.

"Why did you call me by my surname before? Why _Reid_?"

Jason thought for a second before answering. "I don't know. It's a habit form the FBI I guess. Everybody calls each other by their surname. Would you prefer it if I called you Spencer?"

Spencer made a face. "No, I like it actually. When people call me Spencer it makes me feel like a child. I was just curious. Does that mean I can call you Gideon?"

"Yeah, why not? So are you going to be my protégé?' Gideon asked hopefully.

"I'm sorry. I do appreciate it a lot and thank you, but I'm no good. I'll make a mess of things. I always do. I'm weak and definitely not good enough for the FBI, so no."

Spencer smiled sadly before turning to walk away. He liked Gideon, he really did and he was completely shocked that he had offered him such an opportunity, but he couldn't let someone else down. He was a mess, a failure.

Gideon was sure that no matter what he said Spencer would always believe he wasn't good enough, but he wasn't going to give up yet!

"Reid are you any good at chess?" Jason asked casually.

Spencer turned again, confusion written all over his face.

"What?" He asked, not believing he heard correctly.

"Are you any good at chess?" He repeated simply, as if it was a question that people asked on a daily basis.

Reid smiled slightly; he has always been good at it. He used to play against his dad before he left and after that he played against random strangers in the park. It was very rare that he lost a game. He was very good at chess.

"Yes. Yes I am." Spencer replied, smiling at the happy memory.

Gideon's smile returned. "How about a bet?" He asked hopefully.

Spencer was a genius, yes, but Jason had never been beaten in over 5 years. If only he could get Spencer to agree. Gideon paused, waiting to see if he had Spencer's attention and once he did, he continued.

"We play a game of chess. If you win, I get out of your way and you never hear from me again; but if I win, you accept my offer and become my protégé." Gideon tried to keep his voice indifferent, hoping for Reid to accept his challenge as he held out his hand.

Spencer pondered it for a while. If Gideon left him alone, he could do what he came here to do and not cause anymore misery, but if he lost then Reid doubted that it would be an option with him watching him like a hark and training him. It had been a long time since Spencer had played a game where he had to put effort into winning. Gideon seemed confident, but Reid was a genius. He's read over 50 book on chess strategy, how could he not win?

A small smile played on his lips as he took Gideon's hand.

"You're on." Spencer replayed.

Gideon smiled. "No turning back!" He stated as he shook Reid's hand.

"No turning back." Reid repeated.

The end

what did you think? Should I do more like it? Different ways they met or a seacele? Place let me know!

Love you all

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BSmusicprincess


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